This Drifting Poo Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.
As we consider the television landscape of the recent year, a handful of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable shortcomings. From cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third season started, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then came an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator announced this would be the final series. It ended on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was simply too symbolic. Still, viewers undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a little sob?
All’s Fair
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was almost the least of this drama's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon zero star assessment, it was hard to know where to begin listing the flaws. The laughably wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of wealth and consumption? The almost deliberate parade of tropes? Acting so poor they felt almost malicious? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this show again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and parental shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d truly have known it from this multi-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive hedonism while struggling to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but flippant egotist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Of course we knew it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.
MobLand
Dodgy figures convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.
In truth, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to indulge baffling accents. But there were plenty of other issues. Mainly that it was just really boring; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which felt rather simplistic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into twee lifestyle as intentional statements. But then you view them and are compelled to concede that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue animated; a meme for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark platitudes and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are clearly fascinating things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this three-part series chose not to explore them. Rather, the experience was akin to reading a marketing catalogue. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded letdown of a series.
The Game Show
It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you want? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too complicated to detail what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up reeking of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something far greater than it.
Too Much
How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of celebrity friends involved felt icky.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart recruitment of gifted younger comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be treated sensitively. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lumbering from strangely breezy, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A total mess? Absolutely.
Prime Target
We love the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about government agencies targeting – and eliminating – academics frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for sexual escapades as she prepared for her biggest feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.
